I don't like the drugs

OK..Life has been getting pretty fucked up. Or mainly just feels that way. Oh well. So I have been feeling like i am drifting away from the normal. Something hard to explain..but a bold feeling of knowing who I am and where I'm going on a very small scale. Oh no! could it be?! has all the happy feeling in life gone away? yes! yes it has! But for how long? oh well, mainly I'm just tired of living..and been in the mood to be ready to die. I've been very sober this week. besides caffiene, booze and salvia. Which arnt considered drugs. It's been a pretty messed up summer. Quit alot of drugs..and down to weed..which i havnt smoked for a long time. Ive been in a drinking mood, but only had a few drinks now and then. I could go for a drink..butas i was going back home from 7-11..it started raining..so i couldnt have spared any time and didnt want to risk getting soaked..it happened once..and it sucked. Oh well..besides that, me... megan and sarah are going to pacific mall soon..and megans b-day is coming up. My ps2 is fucked already, oh well..not like i played it much anyway. I havnt been in a anything mood lately. except since i hung out she told me i should watch some trigun. So i've watched the first dvd of it, its pretty funny..and that cat that is every epsiode..and how vash always acts. Oh well.. Oh yeah..i smoked salvia a a week or to ago..It was scary..i went to the park across town and i sat at a picnic table facing these woman in their car..my guess is they were high on soemthing or getting high..who parks at the park at 10-11 pm?!? So i assemble my bong for salvia..and pull out the salvia..then suddenly..it was dark no more...SHIT! there was car lights lit behind me..so i calmly/slowly over time take the bong apart..then head to a different area around some trees near the tennis court. So i put it back together..put a small ampount in the bowl..and light it up..inhaled..exhaled after counting to 20..suddenly..i had some pasties..and i was tripping out pretty bad..and felt my tongue was the center of my body.and everything aroundit was orbiting it..well..just the shadow beside me.so maybe a few mins later..i notice its not as dark anymore.....SHIT! there was another set of headlights facing me..so i figured they couldnt see me..being in sucha spot..i thought it was the cops..but a car passed..and i figured the car was across the street..and i was in the clear. SO i ended up dumping the bong water away from me..I figured i was fucked if i went to the bar..for i surely reeked of that nasty stuff. I hadnt got ahold of reality yet..and thought the water somehow drifted towards my ass..and was on ym way home and listened to aqua. Its likely one of the last times im smoking that stuff..there is one more time..and that is the last time likely. I dont find salvia to nice to be on..not to pleasent..it was cool for the first time discovering..but its less exciting now. Oh yeah..megan got in a car accident..which sucks..i feared her car had been damaged very bad..it didnt look to bad when i seen it after it was fixed...just a few cracks..and no signal.Oh well...thats all i feel like writting right now. Time to go watch tv..i got to watch some trigun tommorow..then hang with meg later this week .